A Mother’s Tears by Nichole Wyborn
This book is unique in the fact that it is written by a Mum, who also happens to be a midwife. It gives parents a valuable insight into how it might feel for the professionals that care for them, whilst remaining very sensitive in it’s style.
Nicole describes perfectly the devastation of a missed miscarriage, the rollercoaster of tests and hopes being raised “perhaps you are not as far along as you thought” – a heartbeat that is present but not as it should be and the knowing inside that this baby can’t possibly make it.
As Nicole moves on to write about Ben, that sense of knowing continues. You can’t help but pray along with her that the blood at 23 weeks is not anything significant, and that Baby Ben makes it. She describes scenarios that many parents will recognise, and the frustration of the staff on duty not responding to her knowledge of what her body is doing. I cried when I read that Ben was born alive, but that his Mummy didn’t find out about this until later. I understand how haunting the thought of your baby dying alone is. In her words is a powerful message from a midwife, from one who knows to other professionals. With a little bit of care and thought surely it would have been possible to let his Mummy know he was alive, and to make sure that the last feeling he had was one of love and warmth.
The second part of the book is equally easy to read, and helpful to so many. Nicole writes about the funeral, and her own health concerns in a clear, yet moving way.
My grief was all consuming, and I doubted that I was ever going to feel ok again. Every day was the same and there was no one who could help me. I only wanted my baby back. I was inmi such a state of despair that I wanted everyone to go to hell. I was sick of everything. I was sick of the doctors – there wasn’t a doctor where I lived who could help me with my problem. As far as I was concerned, the doctors could get stuffed as well. I was so so angry. I was angry that my baby had died. I was angry that my daughter had to learn about death at such a young age. I was angry that the laboratories had thrown my test results away so I will never know what killed Ben, and I was most angry that I didn’t know that he had lived for an hour.
This book has a “happy” ending too, in that Nicole goes on to get pregnant and successfully have baby Tom.
I recommend this book for midwives, birth professionals and parents who have experienced miscarriage, or neonatal death.
